imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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