How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
