i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
