Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize