I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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