one might say we're banned from that church
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
