Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
