It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
