Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
