He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
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I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
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if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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