The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just threw up on my dentist
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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