Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
