I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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