everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
