you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
