do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
