I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
