Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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