Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
