I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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