my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
