We're facebook friends in real life
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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