I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
