i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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