what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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