the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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