I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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