I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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