it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We named our party play list daddy issues
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
