Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
