I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
