I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
