Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
