We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
