Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
