the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
