you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
