there's paper in my vomit.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
