some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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