i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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