I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
