dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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