Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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