How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Still dying that you shit outside
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
