im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
