it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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