My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Pooping to opera.
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