She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
