I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
