I'm jealous of your bromance
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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