They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
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Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
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you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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