Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
