theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
