There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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