"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
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The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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