mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
