I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
