Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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