Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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