I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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