Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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