its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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