3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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