Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm getting married
To pizza
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
