nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
