Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
