We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
