My friends, they love my intelligence
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
