I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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