I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
