does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
