if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
