my soul wont recognize me after tonight
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
